I was a pregnant woman with the typical American ideas of cribs and nurseries stuffed in my brain (either by the media, or by family and friends). We made up a "nursery". I loved it and I still do like Skye's room, but it's not used as I thought it would be used. Skye was born in the hospital and spent her time in arms arms while awake. While sleeping, she was either in her bassinet-type bed or in daddy's arms. I didn't really hold her while she slept because I was asleep too. Skye, Jon and I came home and Skye slept in her bassinet. She then was moved to a co-sleeper attached to our bed because of how incredibly easy this made night time breastfeeding breaks. I just reached over from where I was sleeping and pulled her to me.
I remember a specific memory that makes me laugh now. I was nursing Skye in my bed and fell asleep (nursing releases wonderful feel-good hormones, some of which make you sleepy). She was asleep too and I was woken up by Jon shutting the bathroom door as he got out of the shower. I jerked myself up and started to flip out. "What have I done!". I literally thought that I could I have killed her. As if I was some sort of land mine ready to destroy her any second. I was so dissapointed in myself and terrified of "what could have happened". Skye was about 2 weeks old at the time.
This continued to happen over and over and over and over. I slowly discovered my maternal instincts. It was amazing. Like finding out you have an extra arm or something. I would wake a few seconds before she did EVERY TIME. I would not move a millimeter during the night. This had previously been unheard of. I thrash and kick and roll in my sleep. Not anymore. My instincts work at night. I would go to sleep curled in a c-shape around skye, nursing away, and wake up a few seconds before she stirred in the exact same position I had fallen asleep in. I would wake feeling refreshed and happy. And so would Skye, having had who-knows-how-many feeds during the night. I began to think, there was something very wonderful about this co-sleeping thing.
Then came to criticism. "It's dangerous".
"You should teach her to sleep in her crib!"
"She's manipulating you" (This one I never bought.)
"You'll never get her out of your bed. What about your love-life"
Even being a new parent without having read any books (I have now) I knew that it couldn't be dangerous. It is dangerous if you are drunk, excessively tired, on drugs, a smoker, obese, have an unsafe bed, if you're a lion, if your saliva is acid, etc. Obvious reasons why it would be unsafe. But I"m a relatively slim woman with a slim husband and our bed was made safe by non other than myself.
Manipulating me? ... ... ... bahahhahahah. ... ... .. BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAH... ... no. Wanting love and affection from mommy and daddy is not manipulation. It's human nature. Deeply ingrained and there for a purpose.
As for our love-life. We have that taken care of, thank you. The bed is a place of sleep. When did the bed become a shrine for sex? Sex can happen anywhere at any time. As I've heard many co-sleeping parents say "if you want it to happen, it's going to happen. Move the child, go to a different room, whatever".
Then there are those filthy mainstream sleep books. Baby wise (or whatever) was the one that was recommended to us. Written by some bigshot that thinks depriving your child of nursing sessions, telling you when it is "ok" to pick up your baby, and advocating cry-it-out to get a baby to sleep. Basically, telling you to abandon every single one of your parental instincts so you can parent the way someone else thinks parenting should be done.
I have to admit, we tried this. I was talked into it (well, sort of). We put her in her crib for one cry session and I couldn't take it. I'm not joking; I physically hurt for her. Every fiber of my being told me this was wrong and we were doing something very bad to her. Any book that tells you your basic parental instincts are wrong should be thrown from your house into an extra stinky pile of dog doody. Sometimes she does cry before bed, but it's not a cry-it-out method. It's just what she needs to do to get it in her head that it's bed time when she had a long late nap. She'll be jumping off the walls, then cry for a few minutes (maybe not even a minute long. It' really just a fuss period. Just like if it's late and you feel like you can't fall asleep. I'm sure it's the same for her. I feel like that all the time.), then go to sleep. That's our bad-night ritual. Our good-night ritual is she nurses, gets a bath, then falls asleep on daddy.
If you are unsure of this co-sleeping practice, remember:
Co-sleeping is thousands of years old. I'm sure Jesus slept with his parents. Most (if not all) families in China, Japan, Mongolia, Greenland, Africa, India, and many other countries share a family bed. Even those European countries not bathed in Western Ideologies co-sleep, I'm sure. I don't know much about Europe. For all I know, most have a family bed.
New studies are coming to the surface that reveal when a parent meets all of a child's needs ( from birth through the toddler years), those children grow to be more caring, nurturing, and empathetic as well as better at communicating emotion. These needs are, specifically, that of closeness and love. If a baby/child needs comfort at night, that should be given. Being held too much....there's no such thing. Beware of some book or friend (or even family member) that tells you to go against what you feel is right. If it seems unnatural, it probably is no good. If your baby cries and you go get him or her to stop the crying, then you have done good things for your child's developing brain. You're not being manipulated. You're not spoiling. You're raising a child that will grow in to a happy, healthy person.
This isn't a good example of safe co-sleeping. There are too many blankets around Skye (she was an infant) and she is next to a pillow. These things pose a suffocation risk. I just posted it because it's cute. I was actually next to them reading while they napped. She was perfectly safe (I just got up quickly to capture the adorableness on camera.
Oh, we do put Skye to sleep in her crib for the first part of the night. She wakes, usually, around midnight to come to our bed. She is 13 months old, and I still wake up a few times while she is in the other room sleeping. I creep into her bedroom and check on her, then go back to sleep. Mama instincts are strong.
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