Babies need their mama!

I was just thinking today, how my views about life have changed. I used to think that a woman that didn't work (as in, didn't have a paying job outside of the home) was lazy and useless. Oh, boy. I was incredibly ignorant. I think I thought women should work because my mom worked my whole upbringing. We were on the poorer side of the equation, so it was absolutely necessary. My dad was also going to college off and on throughout my childhood too, if I remember right (he now is a registered Nurse). Anyway, I do think that I thought the way I thought because that is what I knew. I only knew life with a working mother. It didn't phase me, really. I mean, not that I can tell. Maybe I am messed up, but it sure is hard to tell if you personally are or aren't. I'm a nice person. I care about others. I do have problems with anxiety. One thing that I do wish is that I wasn't as isolated from physical contact. I do remember being scared at night and not being allowed to stay in my parents bed. I remember later, when I was about 10, being very scared of a thunder storm and wanting to be with someone but being equally as scared of waking my mom. I don't want Skye to ever be afraid of coming to me when she is scared. I also distinctly remember feeling that my mom's room was off limits. I was allowed in there from time to time, but it felt weird. I can't really explain. I do have a problem with personal space. I feel as if I need a lot. I get very anxious when someone is sitting near me that I don't have an extremely close relationship with. I don't like that about myself. I want to feel normal. I want to be able to sit with my friends. To hug them without feeling weird. I firmly believe that physical closeness is something that is learned. The book I just finished reading, called the Family Bed, delves into the world of a baby. Living in a warm, snug cushioned mom water bed for 9 months, only to be birthed and put in a cold isolated bed. The old physician recommended "all members of a family needs their own space" is nothing but hooey. Read the book. It's very informative. Those recommendations stemmed from a scare about hygiene in England. It was believed that when families slept together in the same bed (mind you, this was the practice for ALL families of ALL countries) they increased their chance of spreading disease. They thought that virus' and bacteria were spread directly from person to person, not realizing that virus' can be transferred from door knobs and utensils that a sick person has touched. Therefore, sleeping alone does not really decrease your chance of contracting the illness.
This belief that separate beds for every member of the family turned into a belief that holding a baby causes them to be "overly dependent" and "spoiled". Absolute nonsense. What research has proven is that when a baby is held often and picked up at the first cry, the brain develops better. Babies and children left to cry and sleep alone for fear of spoiling them actually have stunted brain development and later have emotional problems as well as an array of psychological problems later in life. Whether the problems be minor or major, who would risk such a negative impact on your child's development simply so that he or she can be more independent. WAIT WAIT WAIT! What really gets me in a tussle is that people actually believe that BABIES (BABIES, people!) should be more independent. I. Don't. Understand. Why does this little person (that can't move from place to place, can't feed its self, can't bath its self, can't communicate other then crying) need to be independent? What is a mother for?! Why don't we just send them off to college? That gets me to my point.
Have you noticed all the mother replacers on the market these days? Don't know what those are? Well, anything that makes it so that mother doesn't need to be there. Beds with rails (a crib), bottles, pacifiers, bouncers, mechanical rocking devices, frequent babysitters. All designed to replace mothers body, her breasts, her nipples, her motion while being carried. These things are great SOMETIMES. .......................sometimes. People use these things every day. All the time. Because mother is too busy to be a mother.
I found myself thinking today, and on and off a few times since Skye was born, that mothers need to be at home. I know, I know. Not all families can afford to have mother at home. It's hard living here in the United States right now. I know this. Many families can NOT afford to have only one salary (this isn't counting if mom is the only parent available for baby. Then, obviously, she has no choice but to work). But what about the family that just wants more and more and more? For instance, have you seen a family where mother and father both work? They say that they can't make it without both of them working. But then you see they have a 5 bedroom house, 2 brand new cars, every single new gadget that comes out, 12 pets, a new boat, a 69 inch television. You get the point. I, personally, would forgo all of the extras and be a mother to my children. Think, deeply, about what is great about life. Is it the new I-phone? Or sitting with your beautiful family eating a homecooked dinner? Is it driving in a brand new Escalade? Or is it cuddling with your 2 kids for an afternoon nap after a picnic at the park (on a weekday)? Things are just.......things! It is baffling me how some families choose things over a well rounded happy family that has mommy (or daddy) home. Life shouldn't be a status symbol contest. If should be about family. Family doesn't need S-T-U-F-F. Family needs warmth, stability, closeness. Family needs each other (with an occasional family vacation!)
I'm so thankful every single day we were able to have me at home with Skye. I'm so thankful every day that we chose for me to be at home. I would have missed out on so much. Things you can never every get back. I would have had to share raising my angel with the person that watched her while I was at work. That may be ok, but I don't know that for sure. Everyone has different ideals and Jon and I want our children raised a certain way. Maybe the person would spank her when she's bad. Maybe she would get yelled at. Maybe she wouldn't be watched carefully enough and get hurt. You never know. I hear all the time from breastfeeding mom's that I know  how hard it was to leave their child the first day back to work. They liken it to physical pain! I can't even imagine. Even just going for the brief outings I went on without Skye, I felt the need to be with her. I have random let downs of milk. I felt as if I was missing something in my life. It's a little less so now. She's not as young. But I still would not have a weekend away or anything.
I don't know if much of this makes sense. I just am very happy with our (Jon and I) decisions on Skye's upbringing so far. She has the comfort and stability of me always being there. NO bouncing from sitter to sitter. No changes in routine. She has security. And I have learned the wonderful ways of attachment parenting, so she has that going for her as well. The warm closeness of breastfeeding (nothing like that in the world), co-sleeping, and babywearing.
I feel very confident I am doing what is best for her. I'm not that mom, frustrated that my baby isn't sleeping through the night. Skye nurses contently as we both sleep. I'm not that mom, sobbing outside my child's door as I teach her to "sleep through the night". I pick her up and take her to bed with me. I'm not that mom, scrubbing bottles and plastic nipples so I"ll have clean feeding implements. I lift up my shirt: the fastest most convenient meal in the world. I'm not that mom fussing with a cumbersome stroller so that I can take a walk through the mall. I sling my kid onto myself and enjoy some nice cuddles (yep! Even while traveling from place to place, I enjoy cuddles!). Attachment parenting = easy parenting. Attachment parenting = happy, psychologically healthy baby. Attachment parenting = happy mommy.